Probability vs. Possibility

Breaking out of the box

As the days wind down into darkness and a season of windblown rain and sleet drives us indoors, I have been taking the opportunity to look inward. I have been asking some big questions: Who am I? Why am I here? What is this world? Why have I set my sights on such an improbable task as starting a farm at Point Agassiz? Why would I expect that life could be anything other than a familiar routine of work, weekend, work, weekend, work?

I think sometimes I become addicted to rationality. There can be much comfort in building a model of life in which everything fits neatly together and outcomes are generally predictable. Civilization conspires with me in this regard: men build with squares and levels, products are standardized, routines are scheduled. The ragged fractal edges of the world tend to get trimmed off and tucked away here. Even in a small town this is true, and I can be lulled into the complacency of a rational world where the past is familiar and the future predictable. Success in any endeavor becomes a matter of probability, marketing to the lowest common denominators of human attention, getting your customers hooked. Life becomes a cycle of craving and aversion, fleeing pain and seeking comfort.

Yet when I focus on my internal world, close my eyes in a quiet place and breathe deeply, I become aware of something different. Body becomes a universe unto itself, simultaneously the entire vastness of everything and one tiny particle among an infinity of others. There is something out there like a river of energy and light, eternally flowing. I am no longer interested in what is probable, but instead what is possible. I see how my addiction to a rational survival mode stems from a fear that something outside the box would be out of control and dangerous, and worse yet would bring someone’s disapproval on me. But when I find stillness in my heart and fear evaporates, I am overjoyed to find those ragged fractal edges where life rushes out beyond our ability to understand it. So much is possible!

People love to be in nature because it draws them back into that higher level of awareness. When we step outside our lines and boxes and routines and look up at an entire mountain covered with old-growth rainforest wearing a foot of fresh snow illuminated by the last golden rays of winter sun, we cannot ignore it.

I believe in God. It has taken me years of clearing away the left-brain clutter of reason-hunting to fully realize this. God is in everything and in everyone, and when I find the grace to trust what is beyond, God is right there with me. I believe that God is not the property of any one church or doctrine. God belongs to everyone. It is something that people everywhere have touched in moments of inspiration, have tried to capture and pin down with words and stories, but the words cannot be the thing itself, it can only be felt in the heart. God is truth.

When I let the cumbersome headgear of left-brain dominance fall away, it becomes instantly clear that the heart is the center of awareness and energy in my body. Rationality is a powerful tool, but is only a tool. The tool alone can never create the masterpiece. Everything we do, everything we are, flows downstream from the heart. Feed your heart, and you will feed the world.

I believe we have the power to change. We can break out of old patterns that hinder us from being our greatest selves, the divine creators within. With patience, our focus can be sharpened like the edge of a knife. I know that God wants us to be creators.

Something different is possible. A world of abundance is possible, a small farm renaissance is possible, even in the far reaches of southeast Alaska. A world where good food and radiant health are within reach for everyone. Where ancient trees grow beside hay fields full of wildflowers and creeks full of fish. It is possible for human beings to be creators of life rather than destroyers of it, to be conductors in great symphonies of soil, water, plants, animals, and minerals, building new habitats and new cultures, cross-pollinating seeds and ideas between continents. That’s what I’m focusing on.

Recent inspirations I’d like to share: Wim Hof breathing and cold exposure methods, “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself” by Joe Dispenza, Iain McGilchrist on Left vs Right Brain, the Getty-Dubay Italic Handwriting Series, “Breath” album by Desert Dwellers.